Entering...the Twilight Zone... *do do do do...do do do do...*

So I did this crazy thing tonight. I joined the gym...

When I went to the psychiatrist, she had some little tips for me as far as eating and exercising went. She suggested that I first and foremost eliminate all the junk food from my house. "But what if I have a craving for something?" I whined. "How do I stop myself from going out to the store and getting what I'm craving?"

She told me that I didn't. She said that the key was to not have the crap IN MY HOUSE. She said that if and when I'm craving something "bad" for me, I go to the store (if I can muster the energy) and I get the smallest size possible of whatever it is (can anyone say "fun size bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos???) and eat that BEFORE I go home. That's how I'm supposed to deal with cravings. She said that (1) this will allow me to never feel deprived...if I want something...I can have it...nothing is off limits (2) I'll have to REALLY want something to make the effort to leave my house and go to the store just for the itty bitty "fun" size of whatever it is I'm craving. (This doc just seemed to intuitively know how my lazy self works...)

So far I'm going in the right direction with this. This week I've had absolutely NO fast food. (Uh...I'm not going to count the pizza I ordered from Pizza Hut...not counting that...ok...that was bad of me...BUT...I only ordered ONE pizza to eat over the course of the week instead of my normal two! I'm making reductions!!) I have no junk food in my house (I ate the last of the Reeses Pieces I had stashed in my underwear drawer last Monday...), and when I went to Subway and wanted a chocolate chip cookie, I only got three of them (OK...I know the goal is to only get ONE...and I'm getting there. Seriously. I used to get a dozen at a time...no joke...)

So as far as food is concerned, I'm making progress. At the end of May, I was 302 lbs. No lie. This morning I weighed in at 289. Hell yeah! That's what I'm talking about!

So...I'm making strides in the food department. Today I decided to bite the bullet and implement the second half of my shrink's advice.

She suggested that I make it a habit to go to the gym everyday. "But what if I want to work out outside? What if I don't FEEL like working out that day?" This woman had answers.

She suggested that I pick a time--relatively the same time--every day and set an appointment for myself. This is the time that I designate for the gym. She said that I GO to the gym each and every day at that designated time. She said if I get there and feel like sitting on my butt in the lobby, no problem. The point is, I'm developing the habit of going to the gym on a regular basis. Her theory was that 9 times out of 10, once I GET to the gym, even if I didn't initally feel like working out, I'll probably convince myself to do SOMETHING by the time I get there. (Boy does this lady have my number...that's EXACTLY how I tend to roll...) And she stressed that if I get there and I seriously don't want to do anything, I can allow myself to do that...that's permitted. The objective is just to GO.

So I did that tonight. I polished off four (instead of eight) pieces of my naughty pizza) and felt a little sleepy. Honestly...was tempted to take a nap. But, I set my DVR to record MTV's "True Life" (didn't want to miss the "I'm a sugar baby" episode!!) and went to the gym. Once there...I signed myself up. With my employee discount and with incentive my insurance company gives (if you go 12 times a month they give you $20 back...) my montly gym membership comes to $2.81. Yes. You saw that correctly. $2.81.

Seriously. There's absolutly NO excuse for me not to do this. This is cheaper than a large order of McDonald's french fries...and I have a DVR at home so I will NOT miss out on my favorite shows...No excuse whatsoever.

I took my shrink's advice. I didn't really feel like working out tonight...it was a big enough step for me to just GO and get signed up. So all I did was walk around the facility and search out the sauna (disappointment: there's no designated semi-private sauna just for women...you'd have creeper guys watching you in it...so I probably won't be using that much...very sad...).

But I'm damn proud of myself. I'm on my way to a new and healthier life...each tiny little step, each smidgen of progress is a big fat deal (no pun intended)!