Saturday, June 18, 2011

The First Step in the Long Hard Road

     It seems to me that in my life I’ve always been a big girl. Looking back over old family photos I know that’s not quite true. I really only started getting that way around the age of 12 or 13 maybe. At first, it seemed no big deal. By the time I was done with High School I knew I was fat but I didn’t feel huge. Until I tried to buy a prom dress.

     Wow was that a horrible experience. By that point I HATED going clothes shopping with my mom (Sorry mom, I still love you though) because she had this seeming way of saying exactly what she meant. And it wasn’t not always very kind, too bad it was VERY TRUE.  And I think it’s safe to say most of us don’t like being told what’s wrong with ourselves.

     Right around my senior year though, I really got the message. And it all started with my boobs. Yeah, them. I wound up having to buy a prom dress 4 sizes too big for me, and then had to have it altered 7 ways from Sunday because my boobs were huge. If you actually look at me from the neck down I almost look proportional. Almost. But you add in a headshot and suddenly it’s like I’m sitting in a green room somewhere waiting to get on the Jerry Springer Show.

     In college I mostly made light of my, hmm, Assets. Mostly because everyone stared, and a LOT of guys commented. And it seemed easier to make a joke than to let them know how uncomfortable I was with my own body.

    Through all of this I had ups and downs (mostly ups) weight wise, and as I gained my breasts got larger and larger. Soon though, I was having the hardest time ever finding bras that actually fit me.  And the more unhappy I got the bigger they seemed to get!

    What really drove it home though, was Christmas about 3 years back. I went to family party, and I wore what I thought was a festive outfit. Jeans and a bright red top, made with a little bit of stretch in it. Well someone took my photo at the party, which is something I usually try to avoid! And when I saw the picture I was stunned. In a full frontal view, my boobs were literally as big as my head, maybe even bigger. It was my total OMG moment!

     I was trying to figure out how to “fix” the problem with the coming New Year. Then I got pregnant! So much for those plans! But I was lucky to deliver a healthy happy baby girl, who, with a lot of frustration and interesting gymnastics physically, I was able to breast feed for an entire year!

    Now it’s time to start what I was trying to do a few years ago. Fix things. To start with, there is no physical way I can lose the weight in my boobs through normal means. I have asthma and severe back/neck and shoulder problems because of them. They are large to the point that they interfere with my ability to exercise (believe me I’ve tried!).  That of course leaves me with my:


Very shortly (I hope) I will be having a breast reduction done to relieve my physical problems. My hope, and feeling, is that with support it will be the first step in getting my body to where I want it to be!

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