Broken

So today was kind of a crummy day for me. My guy and I broke up. It was a long distance relationship and he seemed to think we were wasting our time.

So I'm kinda heartbroken right now. As in, a lot. A small part of me is glad that this happened before I wasted even MORE time loving someone who didn't love me back enough...but mostly I feel like this just bites the big one.

Normally, I'd stuff myself to oblivion at a time like this to try to "numb" the pain. I had to go to the grocery store tonight to pick up food for my cat. And I walked out of there with only a pack of gum for "me."

I was damn proud of myself, let me tell you.

It seems like every time life has handed me lemons I cope by eating...thereby getting fatter, and getting just more and more depressed. I don't want to cope with this heartache that way, though. I HAVE learned that drugging myself with food only leads to MORE heartache in the end...so tempted as I am to do it again...I have to resist.

I'm becoming more and more convinced that I have some sort of food addiction eating disorder, and pandering to that at a time like this is absoulutely the wrong move--my gut instinct is SURE of that. I need to find some OTHER way to numb the pain this time. Some healthy, CONSTRUCTIVE way to cope.

Exercise kind of seems like the logical choice.

Cuz, see...as heartbroken as I am...there are other fish in the sea. I know that in my brain. Right now, my heart isn't so convinced of it...but my brain is telling me to give it time, and my heart will catch up. And when it does, I want to be ready. I want to feel absolutely kick-ass about myself. I want to feel the best I've ever felt, and look the best I've ever looked. And I want to be able to hold my head up with pride knowing that I got over THIS without drugging myself with food.

I will not break.