Well, I have one week to go till day one of my new diet and hopefully a brand new life! I'm starting to stock up on those food that I'll be eating once my diet starts, and I'm starting to makes shopping lists of the foods I'll need regularly (I'm very good at that sort of thing).
I'm really excited. For once going into something like this I feel like I have support! Real Support... and that maybe this time, I'll actually succeed!
Hugs everyone, and I can't wait to report back next week with my starting weight. And I think for the first week a daily update of how much weight I've lost!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Healing... finally and a little bit of fear.
All good things take time apparently.
Healing is one of those things. As of now, the wound is finally starting to close, it's still going to take a few more weeks, but as of now you can actually see where it's starting to grow back skin. and the wound is visually smaller as well.
I am so thankful.
I haven't started to my diet yet (I wanted to get the healing happening first). And I'm still looking to make that happen for September 1st.
In the meantime though, my dear sweet hubby lugged my old stationary bike up to our bedroom (we have room up there, and I can watch TV and pedal at the same time.)
Somethings are as easy as riding a bike... some are not. Since my surgery I hadn't actually gone for a long walk. To be honest about it I was afraid to. The first few weeks I was in so much pain that walking for 2 or 3 miles just couldn't happen. But then there was this little voice in the back of my head telling me that it's been so long since I had really walked, I wouldn't be able to. That fear has kept me from really walking and going out. Why I have this fear I don't know. Maybe a bigger part was that I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to finish, and if that happened I'd be stuck.
Well, the day before yesterday that fear has been conquered! Thanks to my dear sweet friend, Tigerlady! She came to visit and walked with me (it felt good knowing that if I got stuck she could rescue me!) So we did it! 2.15 miles (round-trip) to the park and back with the baby. Done in 40 minutes! (with a break in between since the baby wanted to play on the playground). The only problem I had was with the last half a block.... the hill we live on is so steep, but I still did it! I did notice that I had slightly more trouble breathing than I normally do. But it wasn't to totally bad, I made it, and I'm not afraid of the walk anymore!
Healing is one of those things. As of now, the wound is finally starting to close, it's still going to take a few more weeks, but as of now you can actually see where it's starting to grow back skin. and the wound is visually smaller as well.
I am so thankful.
I haven't started to my diet yet (I wanted to get the healing happening first). And I'm still looking to make that happen for September 1st.
In the meantime though, my dear sweet hubby lugged my old stationary bike up to our bedroom (we have room up there, and I can watch TV and pedal at the same time.)
Somethings are as easy as riding a bike... some are not. Since my surgery I hadn't actually gone for a long walk. To be honest about it I was afraid to. The first few weeks I was in so much pain that walking for 2 or 3 miles just couldn't happen. But then there was this little voice in the back of my head telling me that it's been so long since I had really walked, I wouldn't be able to. That fear has kept me from really walking and going out. Why I have this fear I don't know. Maybe a bigger part was that I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to finish, and if that happened I'd be stuck.
Well, the day before yesterday that fear has been conquered! Thanks to my dear sweet friend, Tigerlady! She came to visit and walked with me (it felt good knowing that if I got stuck she could rescue me!) So we did it! 2.15 miles (round-trip) to the park and back with the baby. Done in 40 minutes! (with a break in between since the baby wanted to play on the playground). The only problem I had was with the last half a block.... the hill we live on is so steep, but I still did it! I did notice that I had slightly more trouble breathing than I normally do. But it wasn't to totally bad, I made it, and I'm not afraid of the walk anymore!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Frustration and regrets.... almost
The past week has been the most frustrating I've had in a long long....LONG time. The healing process has come to almost a standstill and it's NOT good.
I currently am fighting an infection in the incision on my right breast. It is NASTY. Weepy, pussing, bleeding and crusty are all appropriate adjectives. And I could cry.
What did I get myself into? The thoughts keep running in my mind, how bad is this going to scar now? My left side is doing pretty darn well, I no longer need any sort of bandages and only need to apply some cocoa butter and lotion daily to minimize scaring.
What I see on my right scares me, the area affected is as big as my hand. It runs the length of the incision and at it's widest part is probably about 5 inches of affected area. What basically happened was that there was the incision was already compromised, but to prevent the body from closing up around the non-absorba stitches he had to remove them, since then the incision has pulled apart.
So now I'm back on restrictions. I'm not supposed to be reaching above my head (I wish) or lifting my daughter or anything other than sitting, and resting and sleeping and healing. But this is the real world.
The whole thing scares me, I mean there has been no visible difference in the past 2 weeks. And I keep wondering, how long is this going to take? How long till I can get back to normal? It is so frustrating! Did I go through all of this to spend the next how many weeks attempting to stave off infection? only to be left with some huge disfiguring scar? God I hope not.
And I am so worried that I will.
I currently am fighting an infection in the incision on my right breast. It is NASTY. Weepy, pussing, bleeding and crusty are all appropriate adjectives. And I could cry.
What did I get myself into? The thoughts keep running in my mind, how bad is this going to scar now? My left side is doing pretty darn well, I no longer need any sort of bandages and only need to apply some cocoa butter and lotion daily to minimize scaring.
What I see on my right scares me, the area affected is as big as my hand. It runs the length of the incision and at it's widest part is probably about 5 inches of affected area. What basically happened was that there was the incision was already compromised, but to prevent the body from closing up around the non-absorba stitches he had to remove them, since then the incision has pulled apart.
So now I'm back on restrictions. I'm not supposed to be reaching above my head (I wish) or lifting my daughter or anything other than sitting, and resting and sleeping and healing. But this is the real world.
The whole thing scares me, I mean there has been no visible difference in the past 2 weeks. And I keep wondering, how long is this going to take? How long till I can get back to normal? It is so frustrating! Did I go through all of this to spend the next how many weeks attempting to stave off infection? only to be left with some huge disfiguring scar? God I hope not.
And I am so worried that I will.
Monday, July 25, 2011
A Mad Dog Is a Bad Dog
As I previously mentioned, my goal is to just make it a habit of GOING to the gym every night (I'm starting out slow, with 3 nights a week...but I eventually want to make it up to 5+...btw…haven’t decided yet what to do about weekends since various plans make weekends hard to stick to a set “appointment”) at around 7:30. DVR is set, shoes are ready by the door, water bottle is full of icy cold goodness…and it’s off to the races!
So…step one of getting out the door and dragging my butt TO the gym is in progress. What about step two, though? What do I do when I actually GET to the gym?
Assuming we’re talking about a night where I DON’T sit on my behind in the lobby and actually opt to DO something…I’ve given this a lot of thought. In the past, I’ve always had this mind-set that I have to work out very intensely for a very lengthy period of time in order to see any results. This is probably true to some extent. I’m a firm believer that if you don’t push your body, you’re kind of cheating yourself. I do NOT see how a person can get their backside in shape without breaking a sweat. But that’s a post for another day. The point of TODAY’S post is that I’ve had an epiphany.
The problem with pushing one’s self like a crazy berserker is burn out. Every time—EVERY TIME—I’ve vowed to get off my patootie and get into shape, I’ve attacked the exercise portion of things like a rabid dog. Gazillions of laps around the track. Hours on the boring-as-hell elliptical machine. Gallons and gallons of sweat lost. Pretty soon the self righteous pride I feel for pushing myself so hard turns into this icky dread of having to to
rture my body like that during the next workout. You see, the teeny tiny bit of progress (aka stepping on the scale buck naked, with an empty bladder, AFTER I’ve spent three hours sweating like a pig at Ribfest) I see between rabid dog phase and burn out phase is NOT enough to keep the momentum going. The fact that I’ve gone all sadistic on my body and cannot INSTANTLY get fit pisses me off and I get frustrated and run to the nearest available store that carries Crunchy Cheetos.
So, I’m trying something different this time around as far as exercise routines go. As much as it feels WRONG to do this, I’ve told myself that it’s OK to go to the gym and only “torture” my body for a half hour. Right now the focus need not be on getting insta-skinny but on building a habit of consistently working out. We’ve all heard this truth millions and millions of times—that we need to start off slow and build a habit that we can sustain for life in order to beat the battle of the bulge. I’ve always thought that was nonsense.
But the thing is, what I HAVE been doing (rabid dog) hasn’t worked for me. So I’m going to start slow. This week it’s going to be 30 minutes. Next week it’s going to be 31 minutes. The week after that it’s going to be 32 minutes. And so on and so forth. If I do 31 minutes on the torturous elliptical machine and STILL feel like doing something else (like walking)…I can. No problem. But I don’t HAVE to. ALL I HAVE to do right now is be consistent with going to the gym. All I HAVE to do when I choose to work out is 30 or 31 or 32 etc. minutes. Everything else is optional at this point.
The goal is to work myself up to an hour a day. (Eventually I’d like to start lifting weights too, but I’m going to let that be a little ways down the road for now.) At an hour a day of consistent exercise, with consistent good eating habits, I will be rocking the weight loss. And I’ll get there. It’s hard for me to not rush ahead and try to be “there” right now…but I just keep reminding myself of what HASN’T worked in the past. And I’m reminding myself that the ultimate goal is to make this whole thing a habit, a lifestyle change. Pin up girls take care of their bodies on a consistent basis. And while it seems insane to be going too “easy” on myself, I need to remember that ANY sort of consistent exercise is WAY more than I HAVE been doing…and it IS going to benefit me and my body in great ways!
So…step one of getting out the door and dragging my butt TO the gym is in progress. What about step two, though? What do I do when I actually GET to the gym?
Assuming we’re talking about a night where I DON’T sit on my behind in the lobby and actually opt to DO something…I’ve given this a lot of thought. In the past, I’ve always had this mind-set that I have to work out very intensely for a very lengthy period of time in order to see any results. This is probably true to some extent. I’m a firm believer that if you don’t push your body, you’re kind of cheating yourself. I do NOT see how a person can get their backside in shape without breaking a sweat. But that’s a post for another day. The point of TODAY’S post is that I’ve had an epiphany.
The problem with pushing one’s self like a crazy berserker is burn out. Every time—EVERY TIME—I’ve vowed to get off my patootie and get into shape, I’ve attacked the exercise portion of things like a rabid dog. Gazillions of laps around the track. Hours on the boring-as-hell elliptical machine. Gallons and gallons of sweat lost. Pretty soon the self righteous pride I feel for pushing myself so hard turns into this icky dread of having to to
rture my body like that during the next workout. You see, the teeny tiny bit of progress (aka stepping on the scale buck naked, with an empty bladder, AFTER I’ve spent three hours sweating like a pig at Ribfest) I see between rabid dog phase and burn out phase is NOT enough to keep the momentum going. The fact that I’ve gone all sadistic on my body and cannot INSTANTLY get fit pisses me off and I get frustrated and run to the nearest available store that carries Crunchy Cheetos. So, I’m trying something different this time around as far as exercise routines go. As much as it feels WRONG to do this, I’ve told myself that it’s OK to go to the gym and only “torture” my body for a half hour. Right now the focus need not be on getting insta-skinny but on building a habit of consistently working out. We’ve all heard this truth millions and millions of times—that we need to start off slow and build a habit that we can sustain for life in order to beat the battle of the bulge. I’ve always thought that was nonsense.
But the thing is, what I HAVE been doing (rabid dog) hasn’t worked for me. So I’m going to start slow. This week it’s going to be 30 minutes. Next week it’s going to be 31 minutes. The week after that it’s going to be 32 minutes. And so on and so forth. If I do 31 minutes on the torturous elliptical machine and STILL feel like doing something else (like walking)…I can. No problem. But I don’t HAVE to. ALL I HAVE to do right now is be consistent with going to the gym. All I HAVE to do when I choose to work out is 30 or 31 or 32 etc. minutes. Everything else is optional at this point.
The goal is to work myself up to an hour a day. (Eventually I’d like to start lifting weights too, but I’m going to let that be a little ways down the road for now.) At an hour a day of consistent exercise, with consistent good eating habits, I will be rocking the weight loss. And I’ll get there. It’s hard for me to not rush ahead and try to be “there” right now…but I just keep reminding myself of what HASN’T worked in the past. And I’m reminding myself that the ultimate goal is to make this whole thing a habit, a lifestyle change. Pin up girls take care of their bodies on a consistent basis. And while it seems insane to be going too “easy” on myself, I need to remember that ANY sort of consistent exercise is WAY more than I HAVE been doing…and it IS going to benefit me and my body in great ways!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Minor Set Back and final dates
3 Steps forward, and one step back.
That's about where I am right now. It seems I have a slight infection in my incision, which while not earth shattering or dangerous will probably set back my total recovery time for an extra week or two. The pain right now I'd put at about a level 2 or 3 (out of 10) most of the time, with an occasional bump up to a 6 or a 7 when I whap something... or it just decides to go poof, hurt now!! (the nerves are slowly rebuilding and reconnecting themselves, so I get twitchy sometimes, and it isn't comfortable when it does)
But with everything healing and happening now. (and the fact that it hurts to walk long distances right now since I still "bounce" a little). I have set a date to start my diet as September 1st. I like that date, it's a nice round number (hehe yeah I know) but it's a great starting point and someplace I can say HERE WAS WHERE I BEGAN!!
It has a nice ring to it... my new life begins on September 1st. so come that Thursday morning, I'll log into Dukan's website and enter my information and get my "true goal weight" and how long it should take me to get there! I'll also put that info into my Sparkpeople.com page and set up my tracker ticker tape and everything... it'll be awesome! and now I can't wait for September!!
That's about where I am right now. It seems I have a slight infection in my incision, which while not earth shattering or dangerous will probably set back my total recovery time for an extra week or two. The pain right now I'd put at about a level 2 or 3 (out of 10) most of the time, with an occasional bump up to a 6 or a 7 when I whap something... or it just decides to go poof, hurt now!! (the nerves are slowly rebuilding and reconnecting themselves, so I get twitchy sometimes, and it isn't comfortable when it does)
But with everything healing and happening now. (and the fact that it hurts to walk long distances right now since I still "bounce" a little). I have set a date to start my diet as September 1st. I like that date, it's a nice round number (hehe yeah I know) but it's a great starting point and someplace I can say HERE WAS WHERE I BEGAN!!
It has a nice ring to it... my new life begins on September 1st. so come that Thursday morning, I'll log into Dukan's website and enter my information and get my "true goal weight" and how long it should take me to get there! I'll also put that info into my Sparkpeople.com page and set up my tracker ticker tape and everything... it'll be awesome! and now I can't wait for September!!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Review: How to Be a Pin Up Model
I don't know about some of you, but I've never had the knack for being a girly-girl. It's not that I don't want to look pretty or look my best. It's that I've always been sort of clueless about HOW to make that happen.
I always used to envy those girls who just seemed to "get" it. You'd spend 50 minutes grunting and groaning and sweating like a football player during your freshman gym class, and "those" girls would emerge without a hair out of place, makeup flawless. It's ridiculous.
Point is...I'm pushing 30 and, while I've KIND of mastered the makeup thing (I'm a "less is more" kind of girl), I basically throw my hair in a pony tail every day because trying to get it to do something cool is pretty much hopeless. SO...can't master a modern hairdo...how in the HELL am I supposed to transform myself into a pin up girl, with all those complicated hairstyles and that extremely glamorous makeup?
This is the answer. I bought this movie on a lark. I figured it might be interesting. And it was.
It's divided up into three parts: hair, makeup, and modeling. I'm not interested in the last part--at least, not at this point. But the hair and makeup was a lifesaver. You want to know the secret to getting a great cat-eye? How about the art of pasting on fake eyelashes? Did you know that there's a reason your hair always goes flat with curling irons and hot rollers??
It's not an extremely long movie, but it's concise and to-the-point. Most of all, it is amazingly inspirational, and a great guide to those who are as lost and hopeless as me in the girly-girl department!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Step one down.... so many more to go!
OMG yeah.... Look at that Picture. That's me, looking NORMAL!
I'm now 12 days Post operative. That's 12 days since I lost about 7 lbs of breast. Let me repeat that.... 7 pounds of BOOB! Gone... no more... bye bye.... see ya.
Wow is there a difference. Already, the little ruts on my shoulder are starting to go away, my arms aren't going numb on a regular basis they way they were before. I haven't had a backache, or a major neckache since the surgery (I will cop to a couple of mornings of stiff neck, but that's more from sleeping on my back and slipping partway off the pillows while sleeping)
I will also fess up. I'm still sore and bruised and occasionally freak out about the fact that there is less than half the boobs there was before. But it's a whole lot more of happy feelings than negative ones. And the negatives is mostly the pain talking.
I have gone from a figurative N cup to a D cup. Lets put that in perspective I lost 10 inches of breast. 10 inches! that's almost a foot! (how scary is that, my breasts were just that damn big).... don't believe me... how about some side by side photos!
Yeah, Check that out. In the first picture my breasts are past my elbows, now.... not at all! Heck yeah this rocks right now.
I have now made it to the land of happy bra-dom. I can now walk into a Walmart or Target or... well, not quite a Victoria's Secret (I have the cup size, but need to loose like 8 inches for the band sizes). But now at least it's in the realm of possiblities. Hell it could happen.
But I can't lose perspective right now. I still need to lose a lot of weight, but now it will be easier. I can walk and move around a whole lot better. So now I can start excercising better.
Or rather I will, once I get the OK. At this point I still have stiches in, and it still hurts to move, and I still have swelling to deal with. Even with all of that, though, I am really happy where I am right now. Now I just need to heal. And learn to deal with the ugly incision marks, although eventually those can and should fade to the point I wouldn't notice them. But that's all still a ways off. I'll just be happy when the 6 weeks are up and I can go back to normal living (that should be about the time I get the OK to go back to my regularly scheduled activities. 4 weeks from Tuesday. And I'll be there!
I love being able to look at these pictures... Look at how far apart they are. It still amazes me. I look and I still don't believe it. Then I look at the First picture, that one at the top, and the only though I have
HELLZ YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 |
| Hellz Yeah!! |
I'm now 12 days Post operative. That's 12 days since I lost about 7 lbs of breast. Let me repeat that.... 7 pounds of BOOB! Gone... no more... bye bye.... see ya.
Wow is there a difference. Already, the little ruts on my shoulder are starting to go away, my arms aren't going numb on a regular basis they way they were before. I haven't had a backache, or a major neckache since the surgery (I will cop to a couple of mornings of stiff neck, but that's more from sleeping on my back and slipping partway off the pillows while sleeping)
I will also fess up. I'm still sore and bruised and occasionally freak out about the fact that there is less than half the boobs there was before. But it's a whole lot more of happy feelings than negative ones. And the negatives is mostly the pain talking.
I have gone from a figurative N cup to a D cup. Lets put that in perspective I lost 10 inches of breast. 10 inches! that's almost a foot! (how scary is that, my breasts were just that damn big).... don't believe me... how about some side by side photos!
 |
| 12 hours Pre Operative |
 |
| 12 Days Post Op, same shirt |
Yeah, Check that out. In the first picture my breasts are past my elbows, now.... not at all! Heck yeah this rocks right now.
I have now made it to the land of happy bra-dom. I can now walk into a Walmart or Target or... well, not quite a Victoria's Secret (I have the cup size, but need to loose like 8 inches for the band sizes). But now at least it's in the realm of possiblities. Hell it could happen.
But I can't lose perspective right now. I still need to lose a lot of weight, but now it will be easier. I can walk and move around a whole lot better. So now I can start excercising better.
Or rather I will, once I get the OK. At this point I still have stiches in, and it still hurts to move, and I still have swelling to deal with. Even with all of that, though, I am really happy where I am right now. Now I just need to heal. And learn to deal with the ugly incision marks, although eventually those can and should fade to the point I wouldn't notice them. But that's all still a ways off. I'll just be happy when the 6 weeks are up and I can go back to normal living (that should be about the time I get the OK to go back to my regularly scheduled activities. 4 weeks from Tuesday. And I'll be there!
 |
| 12 Hours Pre Op |
 |
| 12 Days Post Op |
HELLZ YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)